Introduction
During these past few weeks, I have been giving helpful tips and strategies to live inspired, free and transformed after breast cancer. I hope my articles have provided insight and empowered you to maximize the quality of your life after breast cancer. Today's article, I want to take somewhat of a different tone and approach.
Just last week, I had a medical procedure at the hospital. Although it wasn't connected to my breast cancer journey or reconstructive surgery, being in the same hospital stirred memories. I walked past the waiting area where my scheduled breast reconstructive surgery was unexpectedly canceled back in March. Emotions overwhelmed me as I stood there, looking at the spot where I sat on that challenging day. Even as I write this article, the memories bring tears to my eyes.
As we navigate the journey of living inspired, free, and transformed after breast cancer, it's crucial to acknowledge the emotional landscapes we traverse. This article takes a reflective turn, sharing a personal moment of revisiting the hospital where a planned breast reconstruction surgery was canceled. The emotions still linger, offering a poignant reminder that pivotal moments, even the darkest ones, can be catalysts for change and enlightenment.
The Unforeseen Hurdle
Almost nine months have passed, and I still feel the weight of sadness as I reflect on that fateful day. I vividly recall the nurse's expression when she informed me that the surgery had to be canceled due to not passing a physical test. Despite her efforts to console me, the decision was firm. Dressing myself after hearing the news, I was in shock, feeling a mix of anger and outrage. Advocating for myself proved futile, and when the initial anger subsided, I was left with overwhelming sadness, confusion, and exhaustion. The emotional, physical, and spiritual preparation for the surgery created a buildup of tension and emotions that, when unleased by the surgery's cancellation, remained bottled up within me, layered with mixed emotions.
Lessons from Testing
This is what I saw and felt when I passed that waiting room. This is how I feel right now, almost 9 months later, still emotional when remembering that day. March 23rd of 2023 will forever be a pivotal point for me. Although it was one of my darkest days, it will also serve as a day of change and enlightenment for me. Just as the winter solstice is the darkest day of the year, we can take solace in knowing that the days to come ahead will be brighter, literally for us in the northern hemisphere.
With that, I acknowledge that if the surgery had gone according to my plan, then I would not have the revelation that I received thereafter. I would not embrace the process of pain that has produced the product of passion to work with my Sisters in Survivorship of breast cancer. I would not have embraced the diagnosis of breast cancer. I used to think that if I openly acknowledged and embraced breast cancer, it would define me. What I know now is that breast cancer does not define me. It refined me.
Because of the breast cancer that I experienced and all of the procedures and treatments thereafter, my strength, my endurance, my perseverance and my faith was tested. And because of the breast cancer, I dug deep within myself and revealed resources, some of which I did not even knew existed until I was tested. You see, that is the thing about being tested. If we never go through tests, how can we really know that we have learned the lesson? How can we truly know what we are capable of? How can we truly know who we have become as a result of the circumstances we have endured?
7 Steps towards Repurposing Pain
In order to be resilient, there has to be friction or dissonance. When we watch a movie, if there is no conflict or tension, then we won’t experience the heightened climax and emotional release of resolution. Pain in one shape, form or fashion is necessary for growth. Pain is a part of the process. The challenge is that many of us get stuck in the pain. Please, I implore you, do not get stuck in your pain. Pausing in my pain helped to give me perspective. But do not be misinformed that I parked in the pain. I kept moving and extracted the lessons from my pain that led me to my passion and purpose.
Hence, I want to leave you with 7 steps you can take to assist in repurposing your pain:
Take a deep breath. Make sure to take in deep breaths that mimic a state of calmness. Some people engage in what us clinicians refer to as “box breathing”, where you inhale, hold, exhale, hold. I personally prefer a steady rhythmic flow of breathing that is more analogous to a sleeping baby (no pauses, just a slow inhale and slower exhale).
Allow yourself to feel your emotions while you are in the experience and thereafter. Remember, we are human and emotions are real. Identify/label the emotions you are feeling. In order to tame it, we have to name it. Then, pinpoint where your emotions fall on a scale of 1-10 to quantify the severity or depth of emotion.
Develop a “healing box” or “healing list”. Identify a variety of activity to choose from that promote a transition to the emotions we desire to feel instead of the ones we may currently experience. When our emotions are heightened, our logic is lowered. So, it behooves us to allocate different activities to choose from before we become emotional. Practice those activities during a state of calmness before the proverbial storm hits. This is why we have disaster drills before the actual event. It becomes habitual/routine (“second-nature”), so we do not have to engage our logic during an emotional experience.
Take your emotional temperature of how you are feeling after engaging in your healing activity. Place it on the scale of 1-10 as a quantitative comparison. If you still feel emotionally elevated (and do not want to feel that way), either repeat the healing activity, “stack” another activity on top of that one (such as listening to music as a first activity and using visualization as the second activity and doing them simultaneously), or choose an altogether different activity. Then repeat this step until you reach your desire emotional state.
Review to extract the lesson. What did you learn from this experience? It may be a lesson that you already learned to which we still have an emotional response. I have heard people say that if you still cry over an incident or become emotional, that means that you are not healed. False. We may experience a decrease in the duration, frequency and severity of emotions. But, to be healed is not synonymous with not having any emotional response at all. Again, we are human and emotions are real. If it is a repeated lesson, remember that spaced repetition is the mother of learning.
Make the necessary adjustments. Are there additional strategies or a variation of the same strategy that we can put in our healing box to use next time? What resources (including natural supports) are available? Was there a decrease in the duration between the undesired emotional state and the desired one after implementing the healing activities? Was there a new lesson extracted from the same experience or the same lesson from a different experience? Use this step to identify potential adjustments to arrive at your desired emotional outcome.
Share your lessons with others. When we go through trials and tribulations, we can extract the lessons to apply purpose to the pain we endured. The pain that we experience and the lessons we learn, however, are not just for us. We go through them so we can grow through them in order to reach back and help someone else during their journey. Utilize what you have learned and share it with other breast cancer survivors, whether it be in a symposium, summit, retreat, webinar, support group, therapeutic setting or speech. Allow others to learn and be inspired from your personal journey with breast cancer.
Conclusion
Pain is not the destination but a transformative journey towards purpose and growth. Breast cancer survivors can embrace our experiences, extract valuable lessons, and share them with others. Through reflection, emotional management, and a commitment to growth, the journey after breast cancer becomes a testament to resilience and empowerment. Together, as survivors, we turn pain into purpose, inspiring those who follow in our footsteps.
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